Move over, Crocs. Step aside, Uggs. There’s a new Fugly Shoe on the market, and it’ll be tough competition among you as to which is the most hideous trendy footwear.

The clubbed foot look has never been so fashionable!

Yay! A sneaker that you can’t work out in because of its ridiculous shape! Grandiose claims of benefits that aren’t nearly based in reality! Fuck up your tendons and arches because your feet aren’t bending and stretching properly! And look like you have clubbed feet as well!

I would say the ugliness of the Shape-Ups is the lesser of the evil among the world’s ugliest shoes:

Fuggs

I don’t think there could be a better name for these boots than “Ugg”. Because that’s the first sound I utter when I see such an ugly boot. Ugh. Shapeless, boring, dumpy. Negative 100 points for any outfit that includes these tasteless boots.

When wearing Crocs, you look like this.

I will thankfully never understand the Crocs craze. There is no situation where a cheaply-made, over-priced neon plastic hoof is appropriate. Unless you’re in a stage production of some sort of psychedelic farmer story. Oh, and they’re fucking dangerous.

Don’t give me the “they’re so comfortable!” bullshit. There are plenty of super comfortable shoes, sneakers and boots out there that are not hideous. Sadly, I don’t think any of these eye-sore trends are going anywhere. But damn if I’m not going to give the stink-face to everyone I see wearing them out in public.